I'm a Reese's Whore
As in, I would probably give consent to otherwise unwanted sex if compensated with anything-Reese's. It's the only brandname for which I am an impulse buyer. They could come out with anything, and I would try it. The latest impulse buy:
It goes on ice cream. And it's not so much a topping, as in it's there for the ice cream's benefit--no. This stuff gives vanilla a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
I didn't even look at the price. The tag could have said, "Reese's Shell $First Born Son Named Asher." It wouldn't have mattered. That's how bad I have it for Reese's. Once inside the cart, I would've already been thinking of what to name son #2--perhaps... Paradiddle Flamaque Mason. That has a nice rhythm, which makes sense. Or Wesley Nintendo Mason. I've always liked: Boy Sausage Mason. Or maybe just: #2.
How about Reese?
Yes, that's a picture of my father, The Hawk, to the right. He calls me #3 and Boy all the time, so it's no wonder where I get these great names for kids. If you need a title for your Non-Fiction piece, go to Jean. If you need a title for your baby, I've got tons of 'em. I have a running mental list of names for future children. My problem is I hate kids.
My parents named my brothers after bible characters. Lame. If the Hawk had never found God, he surely would have named me Aragorn Mason.
Fuck you, God.
Mace...out
It goes on ice cream. And it's not so much a topping, as in it's there for the ice cream's benefit--no. This stuff gives vanilla a reason to get out of bed in the morning.I didn't even look at the price. The tag could have said, "Reese's Shell $First Born Son Named Asher." It wouldn't have mattered. That's how bad I have it for Reese's. Once inside the cart, I would've already been thinking of what to name son #2--perhaps... Paradiddle Flamaque Mason. That has a nice rhythm, which makes sense. Or Wesley Nintendo Mason. I've always liked: Boy Sausage Mason. Or maybe just: #2.
How about Reese?
Yes, that's a picture of my father, The Hawk, to the right. He calls me #3 and Boy all the time, so it's no wonder where I get these great names for kids. If you need a title for your Non-Fiction piece, go to Jean. If you need a title for your baby, I've got tons of 'em. I have a running mental list of names for future children. My problem is I hate kids.
My parents named my brothers after bible characters. Lame. If the Hawk had never found God, he surely would have named me Aragorn Mason.
Fuck you, God.
Mace...out
posted by Mason @ 3:59 AM
2 Comments:
At 10:10 PM,
ZINNEL said…
Mace,
God told me to tell you: "Fuck you too!"
Word to wise females -
Whenever you think hope is lost, always know that there are probably dozens of guys (albeit very likely undesirable) reading this who drool at the thought of procreating with about anything the world of femalia has to offer.
Jared would have to name his daughter some combination of Peach, Zelda, Leia, Eowyn, Guinnevere, and Morgana.
At 9:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
While I am also a Reese's whore, I am not a fan of the product that you brought to the attention of the world. For ice cream, I would much prefer Reduced-Fat (because it doesn't separate like "regular" peanut butter) Creamy Peanut Butter and Hersey's Chocolate Syrup. While go artifical when you have the real stuff handy?
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