Ants on a Blog

'We cannot get out. The end comes. Drums, drums in the deep. They are coming.'

2.23.2006

It's New Soap Day!!1


INT. Shower
Old Soap, this is New Soap.

TOM
Sup, Springs?

OLD IRISH
Oh. Ahh hey, Tom.

TOM
Lookin' a little... overworked.

OLD IRISH
Yeah, I guess I've been around a long
time.
(beat)
You ahh... You smell pretty good, Tom.
Is that...?

TOM
Sage and Lemongrass.

OLD IRISH
Yeah, that's what I thought. It's a nice
combo. Fresh.

TOM
Well I guess your shift's up, Springs.

OLD IRISH
Looks like it. If you need me, you know
to like take some hours off you hands,
I'll be in the wastebasket with the Q-tips
and pubes, and some Kleenex.

TOM
I think I'm good.

OLD IRISH
Ok. See ya, I guess.

TOM
Yah.

Mace...out

posted by Mason @ 6:33 PM  

11 Comments:

  • At 1:51 PM, Blogger Jean. said…

    Not to rain on your Tom's soap parade, but you should try using body wash instead of your bar of soap.

    Bars tend to hold bacteria. And Dove has this great smelling stuff that exfoliates as it cleans!

    If you're wondering, yes. Yes I am trying to turn you gay. I do that for fun sometimes. (Not that Body wash makes you gay. But it's a small step. And there's nothing wrong with flake free skin. Not that you're flaky.)

    But, I bet that mystery Olay body wash that radomly appeared in that Apt. 104 shower is still there. Because Reed thought it was mine (and it wasn't, (see above, I use Dove) and I thought it was his, but it really, I think, belonged to that girl who stayed over. In his BED. I KNOW. Scandalous.)

     

  • At 2:26 PM, Blogger Mason said…

    Yeah that bottle was around for a long time after the handing off of keys. I became suspicious when the dust got real thick, too thick to acrue during normal use.

    So I asked Reed one day, and he thought it was mine. So first, he thought it was yours, then he thought the same bottle was mine... THE SAME bottle that he thought WAS YOURS.

     

  • At 3:20 PM, Blogger Stefan said…

    Just keep a bag of sand next to the tub and scrub off with that, dude. Better for the environment! Totally.

     

  • At 3:34 PM, Blogger Jean. said…

    Wow. That's just hilarious. He thought it was yours. I can't stop laughing.

    Oh. I should clear something up from earlier, though.--When I said that girl who stayed over--the one he called "his friend from the cities"--I clearly meant whore. Everyone knows Reed has no "friends" in the cities who don't "have sex for money."

    That was ho soap. It had dust on it when I still lived there.

    ...and...does Reedo read your blog? I am too tempted to continue to make fun of him. ;)

     

  • At 3:44 PM, Blogger ZINNEL said…

    Jean, I'm not sure if we've met, but hello and this is for you:

    Yes, body wash does make you gay. Well, technically it doesn't "make" you gay, but you must be a gay man to use it. Only exception is if a woman is applying it to you manually. I have nothing against being gay, but a guy must keep in mind that if they use a soap that smells like candy, flowers, or fruit, then all other guys will want to eat them.

    And if a solid block of bar soap holds bacteria, then those girly flower-looking loufa sponge things must be disease/pube/dust magnets!

    Stefan's idea is good. So is using gasoline or skipping the shower completely and dousing yourself with Brut instead. :)

     

  • At 4:51 PM, Blogger Mason said…

    What about all those hetro-targeted sporty body wash things? You know, like with scents that are supposed to smell like Prime Time Football or Lite Beer. Like Axe, which apparently makes women pole dance with sewage pipes.

     

  • At 4:52 PM, Blogger Mason said…

    Oh, and Reed doesn't blog; he Facebooks.

     

  • At 5:28 PM, Blogger Jean. said…

    Okay, fine. I retract my statement.

    Just, uh...don't drop the bar of soap okay? Because that opens up a whole new gay (back)door.

    Man, if they made body wash that smelled like Lite Beer...I don't know if I'd be able to control myself.

     

  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger Chad said…

    I use body wash. It's in a red and black bottle and smells like "sport," so there you go. But if Zinnel is to be trusted, Mace, then um....call me, I guess.

     

  • At 10:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You hand looks like a crazy alien hand from Close Encounters of the Third King.

     

  • At 1:53 AM, Blogger Mason said…

    I used to use the same exact body wash bottle, Chad, back when I lived in the dorms. But, of course, that's when I used to shower with three--maybe four--other dudes at the same time. Regardless, how's later 'round 1 sound?

     

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