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'We cannot get out. The end comes. Drums, drums in the deep. They are coming.'

6.27.2006

Phil, Naughtalie, You're Wrong. [Edit]

Maltese v. Jones



--

At poker last week, Drunken Phil and I had a heated discussion about just what the hell type of hat Indiana Jones wears. It was shocking to find out that Phil was not the only one with us who didn't automatically know that Jones wears a fedora. I figured saying that information out loud would be met with lines like, "Well, duh!" or "No doy!" as was the custom when we were young. I was wrong to assume that.


Several people, however, insist that I am a moron for calling Jones' hat a fedora. AMANDA MACKENZIE glares from DRUNKEN PHIL to SULLEN SELF as we exchange beats of disgusted, saliva slick comments about hats.

DRUNKEN PHIL
No! No! It's a... It's a...

SULLEN SELF
Fedora.

DRUNKEN PHIL
No. A... A...

SULLEN SELF
Fedora. Dude, you know Eller is nuts
about this stuff. He's got an entire
post just about Indy Jones' fedora.

DRUNKEN PHIL
A... A...

At this point, the proverbial light bulb in his head, the mighty muse, shoots forth such lumens that Phil's head holes are as beacons of light, shining in the dark drunken night for lost sober thoughts to find their way home. The shaft of idea light blazing from Phil's left ear burns a disc of flesh in Art's right cheek. Art squeals in pain and calls $2.30 with 8-4-off suit because he's a dumbass and not because of the pain. The other players in the room pause like whitetail before Phil's oncoming light, waiting to either be halved by a F150 or to be halved by his naming prowess.

DRUNKEN PHIL
It's an Adventure Hat.

As if to say Indiana Jones' Sioux name might have been Adventures with a Hat.

I am slain inside and no amount of logic wins this battle for me. The night continues with others rallying under Phil's Adventure Hat banner, me losing more money and becoming even more sullen, Phil pouring beer in his eye (again), and humping his table until it collapses in an Alice in Wonderland blizzard of chips, cards, and white rabbits. Pretty standard, really.


"Adventure hat" my ass.

Mace...out

posted by Mason @ 1:38 PM  

8 Comments:

  • At 3:55 PM, Blogger Nathan said…

    "Adventure Hat?" . . . Jesus Christ. It's a fedora, a goddamn fedora. Every red-blooded American knows that. I think Phil and Natalie hate America.

     

  • At 6:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As ashamed as I am to admit this, I too would not have known that it was a fedora. And I have seen the series many, many, many, many, many times. Sigh. This clinches it though.

    Of course, I have been known to hate America and bleed black (is Nathan suggesting that red-blooded Americans are Communists?!)

     

  • At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, and PS: rock-the-fuck-on Pavol Demitra. Hellllllllllllloooooooooooo.

     

  • At 12:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sine Drunken Phil is currently resting, I, Soberish-Phil will dictate his response....Piss Off. Now, for the polite yet firm translation of said response. While Drunken Phil was obviously wrong (on this rare occasion), he does have reasoining for his proclomation that the Indy hat was not a Fedora and instead an, as he so eloquently stated, Adventure Hat. In his mind, he saw a Fedora as the kind of hat seen in noir detective movies, much like the hat worn by Bogey in 'Maltise Falcon', and if you know of this you can see how the Indy Fedora differs from the noir-detective Fedora. As for Drunken Phil's patriotism, when the mood strikes he bursts into song of the glories of the USA, so mister "I'm a Red" nathan can go straight to hell on that one. Good night, and God bless....Vote Soberish Phil in Nov.

     

  • At 1:03 AM, Blogger Mason said…

    I was really happy that we actually traded for a useful player--though "useful" is hardly fair to Pavol. Demitra can be one of the best in the world when he's healthy.

    Of course, I was sad that we let go of P. O'S. I was sad that we didn't get two first round draft picks. But then I remembered that we got that second pick from Edmonton for Roloson. So we got one of the best in the world in exchange for a doomed goalie and a promising prospect. Finally, Dougie Risebrough is making solid trades!

    The best thing about the whole deal, probably, is that landing Demitra will make landing Gaborik a lot easier. They have a lot of national-play history together, and they're friends! Word is that Pavol was chatting with Marion on the phone when LA management called with the news of the trade.

    Two productive lines next year? Someone pinch me--pinch me were it feels good!

     

  • At 1:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes, I spelled Maltese wrong on my previous post, so what tought guy, wanna fight about it? Nice graphics, though. Love, Drunken Phil.

     

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Bryan said…

    Aren't adventure hats and fedoras the same thing? Can one adventure without a fedora? Sure, you got your pith helmets, but what are those but oversized jungle-fedoras? Adventuring can only be done with a fedora. What, you're going to go adventuring in a bowler? Please. Maybe you can wear that if you are tramping around, but not for adventuring, man. Pork-pie hat? C'mon. Thems are carnie hats. And carnies don't adventure, they grift.
    Adenturing + hat = fedora.

     

  • At 12:44 PM, Blogger Mason said…

    Yes but Indy's was the first fedora to see adventure action, thusly making it forever cool to take a fedora on an adventure. From then on the combination of fedora + anything khaki = "Oh, look at Mr. Original here!"

    I've always felt that the greatness behind the whole deal was the ironic juxt of a fedora in the jungle/desert/Nazi sub/remote-island-used-for-the-testing-of-religious- artifacts-with-the-possibility-of-being-doomsday- weaponry.

    But I could be wrong about that.

     

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